Living Between Worlds: Choosing the Right Therapist as an Expat, Individual, or International Couple

When I first moved abroad, I thought I was prepared. I had the language. I had the professional identity. I knew how to build a life.

What I had not anticipated was the quiet, relational impact of living between cultures.

The way that your sense of self shifts depending on where you are. The way belonging becomes layered and, at times, fragile. The way your nervous system has to work harder when everything familiar is no longer around you.

Having lived as an expat in three different chapters of my life, including my formative years in London, I know that relocation is not only a practical transition. It is an attachment experience.

And, this is something I now see every day in my work with expats, international individuals, and mixed-nationality couples.

Why feeling understood matters more than technique

Many people start their search for a therapist by looking at training and qualifications.

And these matter!

But for expats and international couples, another question quickly becomes just as important:

Do I feel deeply understood here — culturally, emotionally, relationally?

Because you are not only bringing your personal history into therapy.

You are bringing:

• the migration story

• the invisible losses

• the distance from your original support system

• the experience of living your emotional life in another language

• the ongoing negotiation of identity and belonging

For couples, there is even more:

Two cultural blueprints for love. Two different ways of expressing emotion. Two nervous systems shaped by different relational histories.

What looks like “communication problems” is often a much deeper question:

Can we become a secure base for each other in a life that is constantly changing?

When therapy does not take this into account

You may find yourself explaining your reality before you can explore your feelings: Why visits “home” are both comforting and unsettling. Why you feel like a different person in different places - yes, even in your two or more languages. Why small relational moments carry enormous weight when your wider support network is far away.

It's not because the therapist isn't skilled. More likely, it's because expat life and mixed-nationality relationships are not only cultural experiences.

They are relational and nervous-system experiences.

So how do you choose the right therapist as an expat, individual, or international couple?

Choosing the right therapist as an expat or international couple can feel like a bit of a jungle as it's not only defined by modality. It's someone who:

• understands transition, loss, and identity shifts.

• works in an attachment- and emotion-focused way.

• is comfortable with cultural complexity.

• has done their own inner work.

• can hold both partners and the space between them.

Because, in this context, therapy, becomes more than problem-solving. It becomes a place where your different selves are allowed to exist together, and your relationship can become a secure base whilst your nervous system can begin to settle.

On a more personal note

My own expat journey is one of the reasons I care so deeply about this work. I know what it is like to:

• Build a life in a language that is not your mother tongue.

• Miss versions of yourself that only exist in certain places.

• Navigate relationships across cultural expectations.

• Create a sense of home more than once.

This lived experience shapes how I sit with my clients - alongside my clinical training and my work as a UK-trained psychotherapist and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist, obviously.

If you are currently looking for support

Whether you are:

• an individual trying to find your footing in a new country,

• in a relationship stretched by relocation and cultural differences, or

• part of an international couple asking “Where do we belong?”

  
  

You do not have to navigate this alone.

Therapy can become a place where you no longer have to translate yourself, emotionally or culturally.

If this resonates with you, you are very welcome to reach out for an initial conversation and see whether we might be the right fit for this part of your journey. You can contact me via my website www.thegoodexpatlife.com.